20 years hard labor
Unlike the mainstream stick-figure skinny
Eden Evans was a one-in-a-million figure model,
tall and shapely,
down as much
as a hundred grand
a shoot in the print media, selling
high-end products like gold watches and fine scotch.
Her figur made her a
sought after model,
and she often had to
far, but it
been a hot and long day, but finaly the days shootings were finished, and
Eden could drive home to her luxery apartment in the city.
But on the way home, she made
a wrong turn, and was pulled over by the sherif in a small town.
"Is there a problem, Officer?" she said,
all calm and cool.
"You is under arrest," he told her.
"Arrest? What for?"
"Doing sixty-five in a school zone."
Eden made a big
show of looking up and down the highway, the landscape barren and
empty for miles in every direction.
"So, where's the school?"
"Right there!" he said, waving vaguely.
"Only it ain't been built yet on account of that damn President
Obama stole the money was supposed to build it!"
She reached into her purse for her phone.
That's when he grabbed her arm, hauled her out of the car and
Dale Moody had been sherif
of Sour Spring County for over thirthy years now.
Back in the day he raked in a small fortune ticketing every
out-of-towner passing through
and shaking them down for sizable
But then came the Interstate, which managed to avoid Sour
Water altogether, and business dried up like spit on a griddle.
Now, Dale and his kin were reduced to eking out a meager living
shaking down the local people of color for nickels and dimes.
But then, lo and behold, this one comes along. Dale knew right off
she was lost.
"What is this?" Eden asked while looking at
the rope dangling over a rickety wooden chair, "Some sort of joke?"
"Don't worry too much," Dale said: "In my
experience, it seldom comes to that, but it is up to
the judge to decide."
The trick was to get the defendant to plead guilty and get it on
tape. As far as the judicial system was concerned, once
defendant pleads guilty, Dale and
Mortimer were officially untouchable.
Eden stood trial while judge Mortimer and his family had lunch.
Unfortunately, the girl steadfastly maintained her innocence, so
Mortimer called for a short recess and talked it over privately with
his cousin, Dale.
"What the fuck are we going to do, Dale? If
we let her walk and she goes to an attorney, you and I could find
ourselves up a serious creek."
Dale shrugged. "She ain't
going to go to an attorney if she's in prison, Mort. Give her a
nice, long sentence."
"Prison? Need I remind you, we ain't
got a prison!"
Dale gave another shrug. "I ain't let her make
no phone call yet, so ain't a soul knows she's here.
Far as the rest
of the world will know, she was abducted by aliens."
saying, what I think you're saying, Dale?"
"Inez has got that
old rabbit hutch out back. It is old
but solidly built and has
a secure lock.
And the town could sure use some free
In the end, Eden received a twenty year sentence of
hard labor for child endangerment.
The Sheriff made Eden and her free labor available to the
folks of Sour Springs
and soon she became the hit of the town.
Even Officer Pat got in on the act, taking Eden to "Career Day"
and using her as a cautionary tale
about staying in school and
being good and not ending up a convict.
sherif´s new free labor girl, became an instand succes!
"Yes ma´am -
Of course she can
empty your septic tank,
all the way
I'll just have to
keep her in a
leash, while she do it - Hi hi!"
A year later:
sherif - Can you tell me the way to the highway?"
"Come on, show the lady the way! -
ma'am, but the girl is just as
dumb as she sturdy."
Eden has now become the
indispensable labor girl.
The sherif took a big change, when
he arrested her and got her convicted, but fortunately it went well,
and it has made him a popular man
in town, so he has no problem been reelected.
Every time a heavy or dirty job has to be done, people
in town calls the sherif´s office, and ask for the labor girl.
When other women passes town, they
are at the highest given a fine. Then they leave town again.
But Eden must remain behind - for 19 more years -